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The Woobie Academyİ is dedicated to acknowledging the single best poem ever written, by anyone, ever. They do this several times a year.
While this may seem to be a contradiction, the Woobie Academyİ freely admits that they change their minds a lot, usually depending on how much they've been drinking.
Following in the footsteps of St. Rocko de Woobie of Bensonhurst, the Patron Saint of Iambic Pentameter, the Woobie Academyİ gives their prestigous Woobie Awardİ to poems of exceptional merit, depth, creativity, and chewiness.
A martyr to his belief that language was a living, breathing creature that could kill you while you sleep, Rocko was stoned in 1638. He was also stoned for much of 1639 and 1640. Tired of his ranting and raving and his facility for running around naked while howling, his village threw him off a cliff in 1641. The spot was later consecrated by his followers with the sign, "Falling Rocko Zone."
In 1966, the Woobie Academyİ gave J. Andrew Haknort one of the coveted PTsİ (Portable Televisions-- the Woobie Awardİ is a replica TV with a picture of St. Rocko glued to the screen) for his epic poem, "There Are Eggplants on the Landing."
A word of caution; we cannot be responsible for the powerful images this prose provokes.
There
Are Eggplants on the Landing
by J. Andrew Haknort
There are eggplants on the landing,
With curly, aburn hair,
There are eggplants on the landing,
What are they doing there?
Do they want to kill my family?
Do they want to steal my car?
Do they want to see my stamp collection?
Or my appendix scar?
There are eggplants on the landing,
They watch me and take notes,
I overheard one of them say,
"Do you think his head floats?"
There are eggplants on the landing,
They want to see me dead,
There are eggplants on the landing,
With auburn hair and eyes of red,
There are eggplants on the landing,
They are out there every day...
There are eggplants on the landing,
And that's all I have to say.
While it's obvious that no one will ever write a poem greater than this, many still make the effort.
If you would like to nominate yourself, or someone you know, for a prestigious Woobie Awardİ, contact the
Woobie Academyİ.
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